Behavioral Modification 7 - A Time Out Method that works

7. A TIME OUT METHOD THAT WORKS

When used properly time out is an extremely effective discipline technique for children 2-12 years of age. Use the following guidelines:

1. Give clear commands. For example, "Dillon, take out the trash now." Now count to 10 yourself. If you count out loud you teach the child to cue off your voice.

2. Expect immediate compliance. We teach our kids when to respond to us. When we repeat ourselves 10 times and then get serious with the child we are teaching them not to listen to us until the 10th time we say something. Expect your child to obey you the first time you say something. When they do comply, notice and appreciate them. In our example, "Thank you Dillon, I really like it when you do what I say the first time."

3. When the child doesn't comply warn them only once and give them the choice to comply or not. In our case, "Dillon, I told you to take out the trash now. " This should be spoken in a firm, but not hostile tone. "You have a choice, you can take it out now or you can spend 10 minutes in a time out and then you can do it. It's up to you."

4. If the child still doesn't comply immediately, put him or her in a time out!

5. Time outs are best served in a neutral, boring corner of the house. Do not use the child's bedroom because you have probably gone to great lengths and expense to make his or her bedroom a nice place to be. Use a time out chair because there may be times the child has to be in it awhile. Also, in a chair you can set the rule that in order for the child to be in a time out, both buttocks need to be on the seat of the chair.

6. The time in time out should be the child's age in minutes or twice his or her age in minutes for more severe offences. For example, if the child is 5 years old the time out should be 5 minutes long (or 10 minutes if it was a particularly bad offence). It is often good to set a timer to clearly set the time.

7. A child's time starts when he or she is quiet. Children should not be allowed to badger parents when they are in time out. It is a time out for them to think about their behaviour and they cannot think about it when their mouths are going! If your child starts to cry, whine or nag you simply reset the timer. Say very little. Difficult kids may try to engage you in a fight, but don't take the bait.

8. Don't give in to the protests about being in time out. The first few times you use this method your child may become extremely upset. Expect it, but know you are going to follow through! In unusual situations, a child may cry, fight or whine for several hours. The child believes if he or she irritates you enough you will give in to the tantrum. Whatever you do, do your best to hang in there. Simply repeat, "Your time starts when you are quiet and nothing else." If you go for 2 hours the first time and hold firm it is likely that the next time will be only an hour, then a half hour and then pretty soon the child will go to time out without a fuss. The first time you use time out do not do it when you are in a hurry to go somewhere. Be sure to leave yourself enough time to be able to do it right.

9. If the child refuses to stay in time out you have several choices.
a) You can tell the child that he or she will get 2 spankings on the buttocks for leaving time out. Make sure you are in control of yourself before you use this method.
b) You can take away points or chips if you are on a token system.
c) You can ground them from activities he or she enjoys.

In order for the child to get out of time out he or she must promise to do the thing that was originally asked and apologize for not doing it the first time he or she was asked. If he or she refuses to do it then the child remains in time out until the request is carried out. It is very important to give the child the message that you are serious and that you mean what you say! If the child can't do what was asked, or if he or she broke a rule, such as no hitting, then the child must promise not to do it again. The apology the child gives you must be sincere. It is important that we teach children the value of conscience and regret for doing things that are wrong.

10. If the child is bothered or tested by siblings while he or she is in time out, have the sibling take the child's place in time out. This is a very effective technique to keep the other kids from further inflaming the situation.

For teenagers it is more effective and less humiliating to use response/cost methods. When they fail to comply with a request the negative response costs them something important to them, such as privileges, money, phone time, going out on the weekends, etc. Make sure that the consequence fits the crime. I have treated some teenagers who were grounded for the summer. By July they became depressed.

Make discipline a time for teaching and reshaping behaviour.