6. DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PUNISHMENT AND DISCIPLINE

Too often parents punish children as a reaction to the anger they feel inside and when they are out of control themselves. This type of punishment causes the child to feel frightened and angry and the parent to feel guilty and frustrated.

It is important to distinguish between punishment and discipline. Punishment means to inflict a penalty for wrongdoing. Discipline, from the route word disciple, means to teach or train. It is critical that we use discipline to teach children how to be good, rather than inflict punishment when they are not. As I mentioned above, reinforcing good behaviour is a much more effective way to change behaviour then giving consequences to bad behaviours. Yet, there are still times when consequences are needed. Here are 8 components of effective discipline:

1. A good relationship with a child is a pre-requisite for effective discipline. When the parents have a good relationship with the child almost any form of discipline is effective. When the relationship is poor, almost no form of discipline works.

2. Never discipline children in a way that damages your relationship with them.

3. You must be in control of yourself. If you feel like you are going to explode take a time out. Take several deep breaths, count to 50, hit a pillow, take a walk, call a friend- do anything to avoid exploding at the child. It is impossible to discipline effectively when you are out of control, and it does more harm then good.