2.
PARENTING AND FAMILY STRATEGIES
Even
those with the best parenting skills deteriorate when they
are up against the day to day stress of ADD kids and intervention
with the parents and family is crucial to the outcome for
these children. Having an ADD child or teenager is often
extremely stressful on a family system. Siblings are often
embarrassed by the child's behaviour and parents often feel
guilty for struggling so much with these children. Here
is a summary of important points:
1.
Be focused. Set clear goals for yourself as parents and
for your child. Make sure that you act in a manner consistent
with the goals.
2.
Relationship is key: With a good parent/child relationship
almost any form of discipline will work. With a poor parent/child
relationship almost any form of discipline will probably
fail. Relationships require 2 things: Time and willingness
to listen.
3.
Spend some special time with your child each day, even if
it is only 10-15 minutes. Being available to the child will
help him or her feel important and enhance self-esteem.
4.
Be a good listener. Find out what the child thinks before
you tell him or her what you think.
5.
Be clear about what you expect. It is effective for families
to have posted rules, spelling out the laws and values of
the family, for example: "We treat each other with
respect, which means no yelling, no hitting, no name calling
or put downs. We look for ways to make each others life
easier."
6.
When a child lives up to the rules and expectations be sure
to notice him or her. If you never reinforced good behaviour
you are unlikely to get much of it.
7.
Notice the behaviours you like in your child 10 times more
then the behaviours you don't like. This teaches them to
notice what they like about themselves, rather then to grow
up with a negative self-image.
8.
Mean what you say. Don't allow guilt to cause you to back
down on what you know is right.
9.
Don't tell a child 10 times to do something. Expect a child
to comply the first time! Be ready to back up your words.
Never discipline a child when you are out of control. Take
time out before you lose your cool. Use discipline to teach
a child rather than to punish or get even for bad behaviour.
See misbehaviour as a problem you are going to solve, rather
than that the child is just trying to make you mad. It is
important to have swift, clear consequences for broken rules
enforced in a matter of fact and unemotional way. Nagging
and yelling are extremely destructive, as well as ineffective
and tend to be addictive to the ADD child.
10.
Give a child choices between alternatives, rather then dictating
what they will do, eat or wear. If you make all the decisions
for your child he or she will be unable to make decisions
independently later on.
11.
Parents need to be together and support each other. When
children are allowed to split parental authority they have
far more power then is good for them.
12.
Keep promises to the children.
13.
Children learn about relationships from watching how their
parents relate to each other. Are you setting a good example?
14.
Be careful of the nicknames and phrases you use to describe
your children. Children live up to the labels we give them.
15.
Parents need time for themselves. Parents who are drained
do not have much left that is good for their children.
16.
Teach your children from your own real life experiences.
17.
When parenting always remember the words firm, but kind.
One parent used the phrase tough as nails and kind as a
lamb. Try to balance them at the same time.
18.
Do not yell at, hit or berate an ADD child. The more emotionally
intense you get the more they will bring out the animal
in you.
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© 2003 The Kids Clinic
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